everywhere i go there's someone there. not that i feel the loneliness lack, still, sometimes it's a hard thing for me to handle.
it 2:04 pm and i still don't want to sleep. need to wake up like 8 am and then go doing one thing, second thing, thirty second thing. here you go for a shoot one, client, next shoot in 2 hours, lunches with right people, project talks, photo editing, cooking, cleaning up, shoot, shoot, shoot, meeting, meeting... you don't really have time to stop and talk like with anyone, you're busy. even yourself, and that is the part that scares me the most. i am not being with myself, alone, firstly - because where i am i have people around me all the time and a lot of things to do, i am so exhausted that i cannot sleep. and no one to talk to. and everyone i see just make me feel like i want to escape, that's a horrible feeling - like, if you wanted to meet some person and in 2 minutes of seeing her you just want to throw out.
i stopped listening to the music i like (i think that's actually the global problem), because where i listen to it there's other people, which like other kind of stuff and i don't even get a ride alone in the car (very-very important to me) just with my earphones having a gap from the outside world. it got me all tied up.
and there's no sparks. there's no fire, there's no excitement. lately. again. and if i do something i really don't care about it in a few hours and... done. starting new projects, doing creative shoots.. haven't done it for ages and doing it now and what? i stopped listening to the music i like. loud. i stopped dancing.
i stopped the fire in my eyes.
